Three different people. Three different lines of thinking. All thinking of the same thing. “This mental tension is too much to handle. God please rid me of this dilemma.” Life is so crazy yet lovable.
Husband: She is getting worse by the day. I can’t comprehend if she is being moody or if she was like this all the time. It seems like she is comparing me all the time with some unknown person. It is getting hard day by day to understand what she wants. She sounds so paradoxical. I really doubt if he knew when he said that I was lucky to have her for a wife. He said that I was the luckiest person in the world. Was he wrong for the first time? He has always been good at analyzing people. When I said that she wants to marry me, he looked overjoyed, maybe because all the three of us were friends and he felt I knew her well or that we would make a great couple. I somehow cannot think he could have been wrong. All along he has set a precedent of being right. I am indebted to him for a lot of things. He is the only person I can run to anytime. She took a long time to get dressed today, she very well knows more than me how punctual he is about time. I hope she doesn’t rake up the issue of his marriage again. He didn’t take it well the last time. He has been busy rising up the ladder of career. Maybe marriage is not on his mind right now. Hopefully she doesn’t rake up the issue of the money I owe him also. I know he doesn’t like talking over such things. He is a very soft-spoken guy, it shouldn’t be that in her urgency to find him a bride she distances him from us. That is something unacceptable; he is the sort of guy who is the life of any friendship, the lifesaver. I would at no cost want to lose his friendship not over something trivial like my wife forcing him to get married to someone. I know there must be a lot of people who are trying to get him married. So he will understand, he is a man of great patience and he surely can outwit her in no time. Only reason that he wouldn’t be harsh is because she is an old friend and moreover my wife. She was not at all like this, why is she acting so crazy now, why the sudden pressure on him to marry. Is it that she wants to see him happy? Everyone can’t be like her and me why doesn’t she understand. Yes we all have been friends for a few years now. Just because I said yes as soon as she asked me if I would like to marry her doesn’t mean others are also like that. For that matter even I hadn’t said yes immediately, I had actually consulted him and he said like always it’s my life and my decision but she was the best girl around. Marrying her was a privilege and it was even better to know that she wanted to marry me. But somehow now I feel that did I make a mistake saying yes. She is always so lost, always comparing my activities with some imaginary soul. Always nagging that if it were someone else things would have been so much different. As soon as she came to know that I owe an awful sum of money to him, she has been acting like a maniac pressurizing me to repay him at the earliest. Why doesn’t she understand that life isn’t that easy and we don’t get such benevolent friends who understand and help us without even asking? She is intelligent, she is beautiful she is smart, everything is fine, but why is she so lost in thought, always unhappy? She is not the same person I used to know before marriage, she was so jovial, so full of energy, so much more bubbly. Why have things changed so fast? She is like an alien whom I never knew. This has started to get on my nerves. I want to be there for her, help her in any way I can, just want her to be her old self and for every action of mine she says no someone else would have done this better. She blames I don’t understand her wants. I don’t appreciate her beauty. I don’t read between the words. What is it that she means? Is it that she had hoped a lot of things from me? I am really at loss, cant really understand what I need to do. I told her to tie her hair; I don’t understand why she is left it free, again she does exactly the opposite of what I say. I just cant think of any reason for her displeasure, she has everything in the world all the luxuries one can afford and I am at her disposal ready to meet every whim and fancy, still what is it that is bothering her. Did I do something wrong? This mental tension is too much to handle. God please rid me of this dilemma
Wife: He is not even looking at me. He looks so worried; I can see the smug in his reactions and face. I had thought today would be different. I thought he would compliment me on my looks, I took a long time to get dressed for him, let my hair down like the way he likes, wore the earrings he gifted me. He isn’t the one who wouldn’t have noticed. Why doesn’t he say anything? His silence is deafening. If it were the old times he would have used all his knowledge just to please me. I can see the urgency in him to leave the place. All I can say is the hindi song.
“Abhi Abhi toh aaye ho bahaar banke chaaye ho
hawaa jara mehek toh le, nazar zara behek to le”
He was all I wanted all my life. Didn’t he know that? I was scared if I would lose him. Its different with the girls, you just don’t go around with a girl if you don’t have an intention of marrying her. Yes he was a big flirt, had more than his share of women who would swoon for his looks and intelligence. He surely was a Casanova. Sitting in front of him, my body yearns for him and passion runs over the brim even now. Just one more time can my wildest dreams come true? I miss his touch; miss the sensation of his hands running all over my body. Something about his touch so sensual and nice. One can never have enough of it. He was one person who didn’t need to be told what I like. It is at one level the bodies understood each other; he always knew my erogenous spots. Now at a hands distance away he sits silent, doesn’t look into my eyes, have I become so unwanted. How can anyone be this silent? I would have understood if he had cried over me, gone to any girl just to prove me wrong and even if he had quarreled with me. But this attitude is something I cannot understand. A person who used to sms me all day, chat up with me all night. Now sits across the table as though he hardly knows me. He is still sweet to me. How can someone be courteous after what all has transpired? I am really scared of this deafening silence; I am worried if he would do something untoward? I just want a reassurance that he would be fine, best would be to find a nice girl and get him married. Such a crazy life this, all your life you yearn for someone, try to push him into marriage, when he doesn’t budge marry his closest friend and now after all this the mind still wants to see him happy. He is a person who can talk about anything under the earth unlike my husband. He can bring a romantic angle to any conversation. He can even make tasting wine sound utterly romantic. In contrast my husband is left wanting in every aspect. He is the master of all he surveys and knows how much is enough and has the sense to read between the lines something my husband never gets. He is a guy who can keep a girl in raptures all night, someone who can surprise a woman with ingenuity, a man of class, a man of stature and a man of substance. Why did I meet him before I married my husband, is it right on my part to be subjective and relative about every act of my husband, is it right to compare their actions. Is it that I haven’t come out of the relationship yet? Why does my body still want him, why cant my mind think of anybody else? Though I know its wrong why is it that I still try to impress him? Can anyone be so mesmerized and lost because of someone? I want to live my own life, now I have to setup a family and look forward to other things in life, I have made my decision and I have moved on. Can’t he just get settled? Marry someone and be happy so that I don’t feel guilty? Why is that I feel responsible for his sorrows. Did he ever understand that I would have been his? All he needed to do was ask for my hand and he would have had me. Did I use the wrong person to push him towards marriage? Should I have talked to him directly rather than propose to his friend to drive the point home. Didn’t he ever know that I wanted to settle down; patience runs very thin as age goes up. Why is it that guys from time immemorial never understand the feelings of a girl when it matters most? All I want now is for him to be happy, just him to be back to normal. Marry and start a family, just get that smile back on his face.
This mental tension is too much to handle. God please rid me of this dilemma
He: This is a bad idea attending this lunch. She is ravishing today. Anyone who looks at her will want to keep looking. Why is she doing this? I really can’t comprehend what is she up to? Every time I look at her I realize what I have lost, I hate being reminded of losing. The emotions stir me up, I cant concentrate on anything. I feel like sobbing but guys don’t cry. Why is life always like this to me? What is it that I have done terribly wrong that I have to face such situations over and over again and again in my life. Poor fellow he sits there, he is too innocent and naïve, he will never understand why I have been avoiding meeting them. He wouldn’t be able even comprehend my situation. How can I tell him that his wife and me were more than just friends? Why didn’t I tell him on that eventful day? Did I think he wouldn’t buy my story? No actually I had not seen him so happy before, I didn’t want to ruin his happiness. He has been struggling all his life. Someone like her proposes marriage to him; it was like Alma matter to him. I just wanted him to be happy, devoid of all the worries bothering him. They say usually girls go for the better guy, the richer guy, the more handsome guy or the more intelligent guy. What in all those did she see in him? Girls and their ways as they say are crazy. She has as always put me in a quandary; I cant be the same with her like before. Even now whenever I think of her, I cant help but remember her lovely luscious lips, its just like yesterday that I kissed them, I cant help drool over her pearly eyes, I cant but every instant be reminded of her angelic face, her soft silky long hair, Its very difficult to forget the heave of her breasts or the swaying of her buttocks. It’s equally hard to think that I can’t think so no more, its like overnight everything has changed. I can’t even make a friendly gesture or touch her body while talking or ogle at her anymore, as she is a close friends wife now. I have to sit at a distance, talk from a distance, no references to her body, no references to her, no more crude jokes, no embracing her, no comforting her and no more being with her all the time. To think or accept that things have changed forever in our midst is so difficult. Why did have it to be this way? What did I do wrong? Why this unreasonable punishment? I can surely relate to the lyrics of gulzar when he says
“Yeh kahaan aagaye hum yuhi saath saath chalte chalte
Tere bahoon mein hein humdum mera jism jaan phigal ke”
I had always believed in god and his ways, in his ways of justice. Not anymore. Its like my life has become like a movie. Things happened so fast that even now I haven’t been able to analyze my reactions. One led to another and all of a sudden a dream has just collapsed. I can only sing along with raj kapoor
“Dost Dost na rahaa pyaar pyaar na rahaan,
zindagi humein tera aitbaar na rahaa aitbaar na rahaa”
Cant say its my friends mistake, poor fellow he is caught in a web of his undoing. I feel more sorry for him more than anything else. I cannot accost her as to why she didn’t talk to me. Maybe there is something about him, which was more valuable than what I could offer. Her marriage was her decision. Is it that I feel she made me a fool of me. But in spite of all this I am surprised when she asks me to marry someone, try to arrange blind dates for me. Can someone forget the other so fast, can there be no emotions at all? Is it that I believed a person bereft of all emotions? I just want to be left alone, left to myself. I wouldn’t want to see more of her, or go out with them anywhere. However much a bright face I put across to the world, I am not confident of my inner self; there is a flame of desire still burning and it doesn’t die and burns on. I just want them to be happy, to have all the happiness in the world. By coming here today did I do something wrong? This mental tension is too much to handle. God please rid me of this dilemma
