Monday, August 11, 2014

In Search of A Perfect Gift

       I still remember the first day I gave her flowers. I had thought for a long time before giving her any flowers. Rose would be so predictable and normal I thought, Rose anyways never had any special fragrance. I wanted to gift her something, which was chaste, pure as her heart. Something that gave a fragrance everyone would wish. So after checking out a lot of flowers I decided on gardenia. It was white, so fragrant, so lovely, and so pure at the same time it was a symbol of unspoken love. As I have always believed, it’s very difficult to quantify what you feel into any form of expression, writing or talking can only express a part of the feeling and not in the whole. So I knew that knowing how smart she was that she would appreciate a token, which was symbolic of unspoken love. I had always thought I could predict her thinking. I was thinking that in her I had found a soul mate, someone who would think along the same lines. It was only after I gave her the flowers did I understand she is too smart and thinks very differently from others. It is one of the reasons why I like her so much. She simply said, “You have still not overcome the fear of rejection have you?”
I was surprised for a while, did not know what she was saying. Its only after I discussed with her for a while did it strike that she felt that by not giving red roses, which signify passion and love, by choosing to give gardenia she felt I was trying to cover up my fear of rejection. I was smiling, was it necessary to follow what the world does, and was it necessary to always buy red roses. Where is the question of rejection, anyways once if someone accepts a rose that does mean you are accepted?  It is funny how sometimes we think something but others read it some other way. All I thought when I chose gardenia was something else and her thought when she received the same was almost exactly the opposite. Given such differences of thought, isn’t it that much difficult to choose a gift.

         Her birthday is around and I have always wanted to buy something for her. Just as a token of love. The best deserve only the best I felt. That is when I realized its very difficult to buy something nice for someone special,
One starts thinking of a perfect gift, but once we start to ponder over what would be nice everything tends to be tad too simple. We hold the loved ones on such a pedestal that nothing normal tends to feel good, you want to buy a gift which is extra ordinary, a gift that will stand out from the rest. Something the person would remember you with, something, which would help her relate you with. A gift forms something more than just another item, something which is above the normal.
So started my thought process as what would be a good buy. It’s very easy to feel to buy something, very difficult to buy something. It is never the question of enough money, it is the taste and the thought behind the gift which is rare. There is nothing like hitting on the right gift for the right moment for the right person at the right price. For me as money was not a criterion one of the small things coming in the way of buying the gift was not an issue. But deciding on what she would love to have was a very difficult one. I thought whilst I bought a gift for her its essential I write down my thoughts and the gifts which I thought were not up to the mark for her. Its always essential to capture the thoughts I felt. It is very easy to feel happy when someone likes a gift. It is at the same time essential for that person to know what all went through one’s mind before selecting a gift for her.
          I had always thought that its very easy to buy a gift for a girl. There are so many options. Its as easy as going and picking up something off the shelf.  First in the list were cosmetics. She was not much an admirer of cosmetics, though picking up cosmetics was not as easy as I had thought, it was very difficult to pick up the right shade of lipsticks, lip gloss, eye liner, foundation, mascara from the enormous amount of choice available.

I thought I will buy earrings for her, but she likes the best diamonds ;), and earrings were more like an accessory and it was too difficult to think of which can go with any dress.
I thought I will buy something in pearls, but no pearl can match her pearly smile, and again pearls would mean buying multiple things in pearls, which was a tad too confusing.
I thought I will buy something in solitaire diamonds for her but she is worth more than just a solitaire diamond, though diamonds are the woman’s best friend, it will also come across as something too expensive. Every guy thinks he is making a statement by buying something very expensive, but I knew my friend well enough to say that expensive things didn’t imply importance, she was more of a heart over mind person, someone who likes a lot of simple things over one expensive thing.
I thought I would buy some kinky stuff; one thought of losing her friendship put a full stop to it,
I thought I will buy cool zany stuff for her, but she always wears something simple but elegant
I thought I will buy a watch for her, but she already has a lot of watches and this wouldn’t be something she would treasure that much
I thought I will buy clothes, but I was sure I would be a mess at it
I thought I will buy a vanity bag or a wallet, but I didn’t know if she liked them
I thought I will buy some electronic stuff, but again they have such a small lifetime
I thought I will buy some soft toys, but again soft toys are for people who live in dreams, not for someone like her who is a dream girl for people like me.
I thought I will buy her a doll, something whose dress sense and beauty will touch the little girl in her, I thought at least that would appease the child in her. But again knowing her I thought a doll would just bring the child out in her, but not bring her happiness for a long time.
I thought I will buy a shawl for her that was something that she could use as an accessory with any dress of her choice, but again winter was still a long way away. I wanted to buy something that could be used across seasons.
I wanted to buy something that she would use at home, say like a lamp shade but there wouldn’t be a guarantee she would feel anything about the gift, as it would be just another thing which would be placed somewhere in the house
I thought I will buy her anything she aspires for, but she never uttered a word
I thought I would buy a perfume; as it would ensure that she felt special about herself, what best than giving someone a feeling of a high thanks to the aroma around herself.
All I wanted finally was her to be happy with whatever I give, finally it was happiness that counted, not the money, not the grandeur, not the feel, not the effect, but the sense of pure joy.
By now I had ended up getting into confusion or a dilemma as to what to buy.
It was as though I hardly knew anything she liked, I just wanted to talk to her and tell her that whenever she is around a guy who is dumb like me, who never reads inferences who thinks he knows everything about her, but when it comes to the crux understands how much less he knows of her, so I wanted to ask her to please do give the humble soul (the poor me) a bit of her time, so that I do not jumble up the next time and hopefully gets things right.
I may not exactly be a great person, I am no saint either, still there is something about her which keeps one engrossed, she is someone anyone is normally attracted to, but more than the attraction its her friendship which is valuable, As friendship is the basis for any continuity in relationship, as they say any relationship not built on the fundamentals of friendship cant see the day.
          They say only those who have lost something in life can appreciate the importance of having anything special in life. I just remember the ghazal
 “Jag ne cheena mujse mujhe jo bhi laga pyaara…”
"always life took away from me whatever I happened to like"

          So all I want is to give her a gift that brings out the joy in her. I wish to see that innocent smile, that blush in the face which signifies the happiness of knowing that someone has only accepted her for what she is. Though I know once the feeling of gratitude and happiness sinks in she will be back with a strong question as to why this gratitude and acceptance took so long in coming?
        I love to be different from the normal as I am a great fan of fido dido who says “normal is boring”