I still remember the first
day I gave her flowers. I had thought for a long time before giving her any
flowers. Rose would be so predictable and normal I thought, Rose anyways never
had any special fragrance. I wanted to gift her something, which was chaste,
pure as her heart. Something that gave a fragrance everyone would wish. So
after checking out a lot of flowers I decided on gardenia. It was white, so
fragrant, so lovely, and so pure at the same time it was a symbol of unspoken
love. As I have always believed, it’s very difficult to quantify what you feel
into any form of expression, writing or talking can only express a part of the
feeling and not in the whole. So I knew that knowing how smart she was that she
would appreciate a token, which was symbolic of unspoken love. I had always
thought I could predict her thinking. I was thinking that in her I had found a
soul mate, someone who would think along the same lines. It was only after I
gave her the flowers did I understand she is too smart and thinks very
differently from others. It is one of the reasons why I like her so much. She
simply said, “You have still not overcome the fear of rejection have you?”
I was surprised for a while, did not know
what she was saying. Its only after I discussed with her for a while did it
strike that she felt that by not giving red roses, which signify passion and
love, by choosing to give gardenia she felt I was trying to cover up my fear of
rejection. I was smiling, was it necessary to follow what the world does, and was
it necessary to always buy red roses. Where is the question of rejection,
anyways once if someone accepts a rose that does mean you are accepted? It is funny how sometimes we think something
but others read it some other way. All I thought when I chose gardenia was
something else and her thought when she received the same was almost exactly
the opposite. Given such differences of thought, isn’t it that much difficult
to choose a gift.
Her birthday is around and I have always wanted to buy something
for her. Just as a token of love. The best deserve only the
best I felt. That is when I realized its very difficult to buy something nice
for someone special,
One starts thinking of a
perfect gift, but once we start to ponder over what would be nice everything
tends to be tad too simple. We hold the loved ones on such a pedestal that
nothing normal tends to feel good, you want to buy a gift which is extra
ordinary, a gift that will stand out from the rest. Something the person
would remember you with, something, which would help her relate you with. A
gift forms something more than just another item, something which is above the
normal.
So started my thought
process as what would be a good buy. It’s very easy to feel to buy something,
very difficult to buy something. It is never the question of enough money, it is
the taste and the thought behind the gift which is rare. There is nothing like
hitting on the right gift for the right moment for the right person at the
right price. For me as money was not a criterion one of the small things coming
in the way of buying the gift was not an issue. But deciding on what she would
love to have was a very difficult one. I thought whilst I bought a gift for her
its essential I write down my thoughts and the gifts which I thought were not up
to the mark for her. Its always essential to capture the thoughts I felt. It is
very easy to feel happy when someone likes a gift. It is at the same time
essential for that person to know what all went through one’s mind before
selecting a gift for her.
I had always thought that its very easy to buy a gift for a
girl. There are so many options. Its as easy as going and picking up something
off the shelf. First in the list were
cosmetics. She was not much an admirer of cosmetics, though picking up cosmetics was not
as easy as I had thought, it was very difficult to pick up the right shade of
lipsticks, lip gloss, eye liner, foundation, mascara from the enormous amount
of choice available.
I thought I will buy
earrings for her, but she likes the best diamonds ;), and earrings were more
like an accessory and it was too difficult to think of which can go with any
dress.
I thought I will buy
something in pearls, but no pearl can match her pearly smile, and again pearls
would mean buying multiple things in pearls, which was a tad too confusing.
I thought I will buy
something in solitaire diamonds for her but she is worth more than just a
solitaire diamond, though diamonds are the woman’s best friend, it will also
come across as something too expensive. Every guy thinks he is making a
statement by buying something very expensive, but I knew my friend well enough
to say that expensive things didn’t imply importance, she was more of a heart
over mind person, someone who likes a lot of simple things over one expensive
thing.
I thought I would buy some
kinky stuff; one thought of losing her friendship put a full stop to it,
I thought I will buy cool
zany stuff for her, but she always wears something simple but elegant
I thought I will buy a watch
for her, but she already has a lot of watches and this wouldn’t be something
she would treasure that much
I thought I will buy
clothes, but I was sure I would be a mess at it
I thought I will buy a
vanity bag or a wallet, but I didn’t know if she liked them
I thought I will buy some
electronic stuff, but again they have such a small lifetime
I thought I will buy some
soft toys, but again soft toys are for people who live in dreams, not for
someone like her who is a dream girl for people like me.
I thought I will buy her a
doll, something whose dress sense and beauty will touch the little girl in her,
I thought at least that would appease the child in her. But again knowing her I
thought a doll would just bring the child out in her, but not bring her happiness
for a long time.
I thought I will buy a
shawl for her that was something that she could use as an accessory with any
dress of her choice, but again winter was still a long way away. I wanted to
buy something that could be used across seasons.
I wanted to buy something that
she would use at home, say like a lamp shade but there wouldn’t be a guarantee
she would feel anything about the gift, as it would be just another thing which
would be placed somewhere in the house
I thought I will buy her
anything she aspires for, but she never uttered a word
I thought I would buy a
perfume; as it would ensure that she felt special about herself, what best than
giving someone a feeling of a high thanks to the aroma around herself.
All I wanted finally was
her to be happy with whatever I give, finally it was happiness that counted,
not the money, not the grandeur, not the feel, not the effect, but the sense of
pure joy.
By now I had ended up
getting into confusion or a dilemma as to what to buy.
It was as though I hardly knew anything she liked, I just wanted to talk to her and tell her that whenever
she is around a guy who is dumb like me, who never reads inferences who thinks he
knows everything about her, but when it comes to the crux understands how much
less he knows of her, so I wanted to ask her to please do give the humble soul (the
poor me) a bit of her time, so that I do not jumble up the next time and hopefully
gets things right.
I may not exactly be a
great person, I am no saint either, still there is something about her
which keeps one engrossed, she is someone anyone is normally attracted to, but
more than the attraction its her friendship which is valuable, As friendship is
the basis for any continuity in relationship, as they say any relationship not
built on the fundamentals of friendship cant see the day.
They say
only those who have lost something in life can appreciate the importance of
having anything special in life. I just remember the ghazal
“Jag ne cheena mujse mujhe jo bhi laga pyaara…”
"always life took away
from me whatever I happened to like"
So all I want is to give her a gift that brings out the joy
in her. I wish to see that innocent smile, that blush in the face which
signifies the happiness of knowing that someone has only accepted her for what
she is. Though I know once the feeling
of gratitude and happiness sinks in she will be back with a strong question as
to why this gratitude and acceptance took so long in coming?
I love to be different from the
normal as I am a great fan of fido dido who says “normal is boring”
